With Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers all on vacation, all eyes were on Jon Stewart for his reaction to Thursday’s presidential debate.
The Daily Show went live 30 minutes after President Joe Biden and former president Donald Trump left the CNN stage following a 90-minute, audience-free melee moderated by Jake Tapper and Dana Bash.
“We just watched… what you watched,” Stewart sheepishly began. From there, the host honed in on each candidate’s respective performance. Even with extremely low expectations set forth by cable news pundits — Trump had to show that he could “portray normal-ness,” while Biden had to make it through the night without having a “senior moment” — Stewart argued that the presumptive nominees for the nation’s highest office underdelivered. Biden just had to avoid “causing Democrats across the country to either jump out of windows or vomit silently into the nearest recycling bin,” whereas Trump “just had to come in there and not be an a–hole,” and he did “not appear to have passed the a–hole test.”
“The one thing that we did prove tonight is that the MAGA conspiracy theory about Biden’s upcoming debate performance was nonsense,” Stewart opined. “Let me just say, after watching tonight’s debate, that both of these men should be using performance-enhancing drugs — as much of it as they can get, as many times a day as their bodies will allow. If performance-enhancing drugs will improve their lucidity, their ability to solve problems — and in one of the candidates’ cases, improve their truthfulness, morality and malignant narcissism — then suppository away.
“Guess what? Everybody they should be taking whatever magical drugs can kick their brains into gear,” he continued. “This ain’t Olympic swimming, you know what I’m saying? …. And by the way, if those drugs don’t exist — if there aren’t actually performance-enhancing drugs for these candidates — then I could sure use some recreational ones right now, because this cannot be real life. It just can’t. F–k! We’re America!”
The first presidential debate of the 2024 election cycle came four weeks after Trump, now a convicted felon, was found guilty on all 34 counts in a hush money trial tied to payments made to adult film actress Stormy Daniels. He will be sentenced on Thursday, July 11, at 10 am ET, four days before the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, Wis.
The felony conviction of a onetime POTUS (and presumptive GOP nominee) is unprecedented. Be that as it may, Trump currently holds a narrow lead over Biden in national polling data — 41.1% versus Biden’s 40.9%. (For comparison’s sake: Biden led Trump by seven percentage points — 50.2% versus Trump’s 43.2% — on the eve of the first presidential debate of the 2020 election cycle.)
Thursday’s debate was the first of two scheduled debates before the Nov. 5 presidential election. Biden and Trump have agreed to meet again on Tuesday, Sept. 10, in an event that will air on ABC. David Muir and Linsey Davis of ABC News will moderate.
Presidential Debate: Grade Trump vs. Biden
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